


a collection of poems

by faeriewuji



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I need therapy, Other, Poetry, Rain, Sad, Song: Jamais Vu (BTS), Song: Ribs (Lorde), a lot of cloud mention because i adore clouds, i also suffer from short-term memory loss, i don't know how to tag non-fandom works, literally me sobbing in the background for 9 months of this year, scratches head hint at gay yearning?, the tag suggestions on here make me question my existence ngl, the tags make it sound like a bad boy au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 4,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26693884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faeriewuji/pseuds/faeriewuji
Summary: a lot of this is me being sadMOST of it is me being sad2020 has been terrible to me
Kudos: 3





	1. memory of me

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote over 30 poems this year and i figured i should put them in one place so i can stare at them and think about how terrible i am at writing  
> a lot of these are unedited and some i'm not very happy with but they're here anyway, for you to laugh? cry? about
> 
> the longer i look at these the more i hate them not gonna lie at this point none of them seem to make sense to me anymore
> 
> – will continue to add poems as i go along!!  
> – feel free to leave your thoughts and criticism in the comments [just don't make me cry] <3
> 
> @faerievmk on twitter

my faith in myself is at an all time low 

if i told you tomorrow, i'm running away

again, will you finally outgrow 

the memory of me

open my eyes as i cross another road

staring into the sun for long

everything that's yet to come

bleaches itself of light

the thought of us sticks to my neck

like sweat in the summer heat, i feel stuck

how can i move past this wreck

past this state of mind

my faith in resolution is at an all time low

today, yesterday and tomorrow, 

i’m running towards the afterglow

until i can’t breathe


	2. you, like the wind

we met as a coincidence 

our single-logged paths intertwined for a second

simple serendipity of time

i saw your eyes smile

we’ll go separate ways

yet again

the lights catch in you

like fireworks, we were bound to be set ablaze

to colour the sky only once 

we met, we burnt, we’ll fall to ashes

we’ll go separate ways

yet again

the most beautiful moment in our  _ ‘life _ ’

will finally end

tonight or perhaps tomorrow

at daylight, at dawn; we finally part

we’ll go separate ways

yet again

it’s difficult to let go, and so we do

words have now gone with the wind

thoughts left unspoken for the better

i wonder if i’ll ever fill your empty shoes

knowingly, we’ll go separate ways

yet again

as long as the sea washes up on the sand

and the stars litter the skies above us

time and worry can lengthen the distance

but like the setting sun, i’m sure

we’ll cross paths

yet again


	3. however many times

you’ll live with it

you‘ll grow with it

get on with it

tomorrow seeks your warmth 

you can’t be the only one

who sees themselves as flawed 

only once in your dreams

the story you wished would shine 

ticks away

everlasting, nevermore

the final pluck that breaks 

the worn-out string; strung too tight, 

too close to your heart

our melody cuts short

like feet that falter 

against the pavement

i’ll race against time

i’ll keep running, 

chasing this newfound sweetness

you’ll live with it

you‘ll grow with it

get on with it

tomorrow seeks your song

  
  



	4. plastic moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is actually a poem turned song!! it ended up being my first ever actually good song :]

[verse 1]

there lived a man 

on the gleaming moon

he wore plaid suits

and he thought thoughts that no one could

[verse 2]

he wrote stories of truth

and he mooned around the moon

his dreams were kept in a shop

that always said “opening soon” 

[pre-chorus]

the man in the suit told me i'd fly

high, high up in the sky

he told me not to lose sight

of the place that i was going to

[chorus] 

he said look inside,

you'll find something new

something different,

from the things you knew

stars and galaxies

thoughts that make you you

if you look inside 

you’ll find something new

[verse 3]

what if i wonder? 

or forget the avenue?

what if a dream means nothing?

what if there’s no truth?

[verse 4]

“your heart is a lamp

like my moon

so turn it on 

when you need it the most”

[chorus] 

he said look inside,

you'll find something new

something different,

from the things you knew

stars and lights

thoughts that make you you

if you look inside 

you’ll find something new

[outro]

don’t be afraid

afraid to dream 

a dream for you

don’t be afraid 

to grow a garden

on a plastic moon

look inside

and you’ll find something new

something different

from the things you knew


	5. to my own beat

_ i dance to the beat of my own song _

_ a melody i hear in my deepest dreams _

_ i dance because i cannot in this life _

_ i dance, and i dance until i tire my soulless feet _

_ i dance in the summer night, sliding across cold and fractious concrete _

_ frightful, i trust not the breeze of the sultry night _

_ i dance to my heart’s content _

_ i dance, and i dance until my body admits defeat _

_ i dance, and i dance, and i dance _

_ i pretend that time does not pass me by _

_ i dance and i hope _

_ i hope it can still resonate _

_ i hope it’s not too big of a feat. _


	6. gone

in the little corner of my world

there was a special place for you

lived in, well-kept 

you grew out of it eventually

in the little corner of my heart 

there was a song, just for you

maybe i sang it 

too often, we’re out of tune now

in the cold, your memory is all i hold

you’re here but you’re already gone

you’re the song i couldn’t sing

you’re the heart i couldn’t live in

in the little corner of my world

you’re already gone


	7. headaches

i wish i could speak 

without saying a single word

the sun can say goodbye so easily

why won’t you ever leave without 

blinding me

the noise in my head it won’t quiet

the further i push myself forward

the harder it aches 

like impatient knocks on doors

tension gives me a thrill

if you think you’re going to crash 

accelerate even harder

you idiot

the noise in my head it won’t quiet

the less i let myself breathe

the higher my voice soars

i tire tonight

wrong sized shoes on the pavement

i wish i could say goodbye so easily

looking only before my feet 

i do not know 

what lies ahead


	8. ख़ुदगर्ज़ी [selfishness]

yet again, it feels useless  
and i think to myself  
what a wonderless world  
must be nice to know what you want  
to look at words and only see poetry  
to not read between the lines  
to not see the stark shadows, against every light

i yearn for a song  
ears aching at the sound of any other  
the drums beat, thrumming, breaking  
shattering my state of mind  
every word spoken rings a new melody  
i no longer tread softly,  
i fracture my foolish dreams

suspended in time,   
you said you weren’t good with words  
and yet you write, an unspoken “poet”  
aren’t you a hypocrite?  
always playing with your own strings,   
always playing the same tunes  
undoing everything that’s right

the words bleed  
some things are best left unsaid  
and so i let my thoughts wander,   
and i stifle my song  
hoping one day i can finally sing  
for a lonely star who will listen  
but, after all,  
isn’t it quite useless?


	9. hands ache

**you think too quick**

**a million thoughts in your mind**

**racing at the speed of light**

**did you forget something?**

**maybe just time playing a trick**

  
  


**you smile until you break**

**building yourself up,**

**layers of contradictions**

**smiling but unhappy,**

**you orbit until it’s too much to take**

  
  


**all the time we have is fruitless**

**you hold out your shaky hands**

**willing yourself to hold on**

  
  


**hands will ache for what they cannot do**

**hands will ache to fix what they cannot fix**

**hands will ache to play with colours**

**midnight blue, red, purple and then some**

**anger turns to pain**

**as sure as night turns to day**

**and hands will ache just the same**

  
  


**paint you in in simple colours**

**bruises blooming, spring ripe**

**hands will ache**

**just the same**

  
  



	10. count your summers

count your summers and springs

soon enough everything will be gone with the wind

you hold onto yourself in frustration 

tears speaking what your words couldn’t

it falls shallow to your ears

“it isn’t deep enough for you to want to drown” 

they wouldn’t get it anyway

the moon grows further away

only a distant memory in the crimson night

if our eyes lock, would you tell me the truth?

i wonder if i could be enough, 

i wonder if i could fit into your puzzle

would you relentlessly try

to dull the thrumming ache?

i can no longer grow without your sun

when the exhaustion runs bone-deep

will you think of our happy little days?

will you revisit those moments etched in film?

will you let those flowers bloom?

if i fell, would you even notice?

i wonder if you’d think i was enough,

i wonder if you’d seen my walls plummet

count your false summers and springs

soon enough the winter is what will keep you warm

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. phobia

im scared of this

scared of losing me

im tired of playing catch-up

falling through the reins of time 

i might be slipping

free-falling, there is no end

the only catches up my sleeve

are catch-22s 

“just go to bed”

i try to sleep

see the plastic stars

in my periphery, a cruel fantasy

the lights taunt me

reach for them, they’ll break

watch them with patience

they’ll call you a coward

guess i am weak, after all

crying, because i can’t speak

you ask me if im okay

oh how i wish i knew

so replace me,

take all that you need

through the tears, i hope i can see

a sliver of what was once me


	12. poison

they say they loved me

so then why does it hurt

they say they loved me

so then when did they stop

you say you want the best for me

but never did you love the best of me

you fit me into your boxes

and i’ll suffocate, impatiently

“you have to grow up!”

must i satisfy you, once again?

your words are only poison to me

fear served on a silver platter

if it was love

then love is just destruction 

if it was love

then why am i never enough

i swallow it all down,

in the name of whatever love is.

  
  



	13. little like me

i’ve got

these little flowers

they bloom every day

even unwatered, they spark up

they hide their faces when the moon rises

asinine, they go back into their cowardly buds 

i’ve got 

these little stars 

they shine every day

like stars from distant galaxies

they hide safely behind misty clouds

happy, their feeble selves glowing on my ceiling

i’ve got 

these little feelings

they grow a little every day

following me in every single moment

they hide in the pocket of my crisp school shirt

placed close to my heart 

they’re so little

and insignificant

they’re obscured from the world

or so they seem to me 

for a little person

with little feelings

little feels like a lot sometimes

and however little they may seem

they might mean more

to someone a little like me

  
  
  



	14. just okay is enough

aren’t we all

just fatally flawed

aren’t i just the most perfect person?

i wish i told you, then

i’m glad you couldn’t read my mind

somehow, we met

the threads of our time

intertwining for a while

_ just that is enough _

_ just for now _

i’ll admit it

i never felt enough

how can i fulfil your ideas of me?

i wish i told you that night

i’m sorry for who i am, underneath

somehow, we laugh

the lines of our smiles

a little despondent

_ just this is enough _

_ just for now _

hey, you.

aren’t we friends?

why do you even bother anymore?

i wish i told you that day

i treasure this more than any blue sky

somehow, all i am is restless

i guess my silence

was taken as peace

_ just okay is enough _

_ just for now _


	15. somebody else

have you ever wished

for a friend like me?

would you keep me in your eye line

or do i belong 7 feet under the sea?

i watch you grow

closer to somebody else 

a repeat of the same movie, the same story

i’ve seen this one too many times

because i can’t love you

i’m cursed to exist in your periphery

because i can’t hate you

i’m cursed to watch in misery

can’t help but be a little jealous

it only grows like a sickness, 

burning underneath

a fever that never comes down 

i’ve heard this one before

they call it “second lead syndrome”

i’m the only one rooting for me 

i should really just go home

because i can’t love you

i’m cursed to exist in your periphery

because i can’t hate you

i’m cursed to watch in misery

  
  



	16. difficult

thoughts that are bigger

than the size of your head

consumes your conscience 

till your body feels like lead.

it fills your mind

sanity is distant; it’s getting away

your heart screams in despair 

but no one comes to your avail

whatever makes one feel human

only makes you feel alone.

why is it so difficult

to voice out what makes you forlorn?

every day passes by in emptiness,

you’re unhappy in your own skin.

if meeting yourself was a choice

you would un-choose it

over and over again.

like the waves in the ocean

crashing into themselves,

the turbulence contained within.

you’ll always be

someone in the background;

someone that no one

will ever really know, or want to be around.

the bitterness ebbs

every word gouges through 

leaving you and your thoughts 

naked and alone.


	17. once again

it’s the small things that make us up

like the faraway stars that smile upon us

happy that we met

in this little dream of mine

i wouldn’t change any of it

even if my life was on the line.

but then it falls

before i can even finish my foolish poem

falls like it always does

my day and night was never enough to fill you

and lights will stream through tightly closed blinds

for they are faulty, like me

the colours fall bleak once again

the false image of “us” now in the shadows

what’s left of time and your space

rots, wilts and makes itself forgotten

it’s no longer sweet, sorrow seeping heavy

enough to paint my walls black.

and then it rests

before i finish this pretentious poem

i wish for more than empty letters,

i wish for more than time falling flat


	18. afraid, again

i’ve forgotten what it’s like 

to want to push

to want to pull

to want to leave a mark

i’ve forgotten what it’s like

to want to try

to want to rest

to want to change 

i’m afraid i have no more reasons

i’m afraid of stagnancy

i’m afraid it’s fruitless 

like the air in a solemn winter morning

frightening and cold

sticking to clothes 

i feel the friction of your words

i say i’m okay

but the truth is i’m

afraid, again.


	19. boundless/infinite

time is finite

i suppose the time we have is never enough

a second and a minute

an hour that turns to twenty-four

a day and a night

days and nights that ripen

budding and flowering and  _ aching _

_ “can our love be boundless?” _

a year and then a few 

and then some more

and suddenly it’s gone

suddenly it’s reduced to a collection of fragile memories

if you misstep you break them

if you miscalculate you forget them

it rings true now, 

time is finite.

now you wander

in the sidelines, like a forgotten planet

existing, revolving 

and never acknowledged again

sooner or later your name will be forgotten

dissipate into the air and never heard from ever again

and you think it’s okay

time is finite.

even in its finite bounds, you revolved

your name was heard, for a slight millisecond

_ love has never been boundless _

and you think that’s alright.

a millisecond lasts an entire lifetime

after all, 

time is finite.


	20. fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya this one...

stumbling across my words

i stutter like a fool as my heart fails me again

aren’t these telltale signs of perhaps

being in….

like a fool i smile, wishing i could calm

the deafening and obvious thrumming

my shoelaces are untied, a rare sight

hands unmistakably sweaty

my mind races as i commit to memory

the first smile, 

hoping it will be the first of many

i trip, like a fool

hands fly, to capture every word

fumbling while my brain tries to ‘reload’

error 404, what does this even mean?

rationale not found

they poke fun at me, i’m foolishly easy to tease

they always mean well

but well, i know where this ends

after all, aren’t i just a fool? 


	21. falter.

the moon filters in, 

filling my colourless realm with shades of silver 

and bitter fragments of white

i think of the days when the sun glittered in your hair

like forgotten pennies on concrete 

they held stories to behold, 

that no one had the time to wait and listen to.

“time is ticking, life’s a race.” 

i think of days when it didn’t matter

when the passing time didn’t stop our play

like leaves that flew in the hasty wind, 

running past strangers’ homes

to speak the unspoken in whispers,

to overhear stories and never be seen again

suddenly, i’m chasing the light,

there is no end

running, running, i’m painfully out of breath 

but i’m only at the beginning

the city lights ahead of me are aeons away

crooning a song, tugging me in impatiently

and yet i falter


	22. clouds

**thoughts of you float around my head**

**a subject of fascination**

**when i look up at the starry sky**

**i often see your face in the depths of the night**

**my mind brims with wonder**

**why you?**

**why is it so easy to think about you**

**when the rest of the world**

**just crumbles**

**and falls at my feet**

**why are these little midday clouds**

**the only trace of pigment, colouring my book in**

**as if you were the only piece of momentary permanence,**

**in another fleeting chapter**

**flipping through sheets at the speed of light,**

**within pages teeming with incoherent words**

**the only thing that makes sense**

**why you?**

**why does your presence make sense**

**when everything else doesn’t,**

**why do these sunsets and sunrises melt into a singular memory**

**of just you**

**the crimsons and blues and purples in between**

**the pastel yellows and pinks**

**they paint only you in, it doesn’t make sense**

**but for a second, i accept it**

**a second that will probably end up lasting forever**

**i search the skies for meaning**

**i end up empty-handed**

**there is no actual answer**

**so tell me**

**_why you?_ **


	23. blooming

silent and still

the sky was barren

as if it was

stripped naked

of all memories

and all worldly wonder

she waited all winter

to watch

the summer stars

to watch them bloom

in time, space

and in her lonely heart

looking up

into the abyss

in a world of hopeful eyes

a field of stars 

was the promise 

of light in the darkest night

a single tear slipped

embracing her 

fragile porcelain face

as she hummed along

to a song that 

she alone remembered

the forlorn moon 

cupped her once brazen face

tenderly, 

with outstretched hands

“you never know

what tomorrow brings

so close your tired eyes,

Goodnight.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	24. what's in a name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5TH JANUARY 2020... what a time to be alive

**what’s in a name?**

**is it only for your pride and glory?**

**is a name just a word?**

**a split-second of culture? a vision of prestige?**

**or yet another tv-show worthy moral story?**

**some names are born**

**with the power**

**to smoothen out a small sullen frown.**

**some are birthed**

**in a house of agony,**

**brawling for the fallacy of a virtuous crown.**

**some are given a status;**

**one they do not stand for**

**nor fight for, the battle within sufficient.**

**some names are pioneers**

**creating strength through people’s ideas & thoughts**

**ah, if only they were omniscient…**

**could a name be a star?**

**a mere lonely streetlight**

**in the vast night view?**

**can it be a piece of the past, a reminder?**

**a mirage of a constant,**

**the unceremonious yearning for something new?**

**could a name be the last chapter**

**of a worn out book that asks to be read again,**

**for you to find its well-written parts over and over?**

**can a name mean more**

**than a withering flower or a memory that’s fleeting?**

**can a name become one that you love with fervour?**

**a name does not define you**

**but really? does it mean more?**

**more than just letters,**

**sounds and familiar enunciations**

**that help you be ‘yourself’, that exist to only reassure?**

**what’s in a name?**

**they’re mundane and they often leave you weary**

**but maybe names AREN’T so ordinary**

**for it’s those ordinary names**

**that make our monochromatic days**

**a little bit colourful, and a little more than extraordinary**


	25. you

you

hold my breath 

like the brisk summer breeze

you

flutter by my ear

like dragonflies, ringing warning signs

before the rain

you

the scent of the earth 

when it finally all pours down

you

the end of my world

the sunset on my horizon

you

warm, nimble burning cheeks

like fire set on silk sheets

you

the scent of empty parchment 

the beginning of a story

you

the one that was my home

the sound that will bring me back

you 

a single sprightly sprout

blooming, blooming

you

the page i left unturned 

the bittersweet story i left behind

  
  
  
  
  
  



	26. afraid

being around other people 

only ever makes me feel more alone

in this world of made-up things, 

i know i wasn’t made to be whole

even under dim streetlights

i wonder if they’d see my imperfections,

wonder if they’d know 

that i was made from a broken mould

i know it doesn’t matter

it doesn’t matter when my light is blinding

it doesn’t matter if i let the little things go

but my fears are binding 

to be honest, there’s nothing worse

than this discomfort that lies heavy, 

pulsing against my bones

there hasn’t been a day where i didn’t feel the weight

everyone says it’ll be okay

the question continues to linger on, “when?”

you say you understand me

so why, why does my heart tell me i’m running alone

would you continue to wait, on the other side?

even if i break, even if i fall, even if i build more walls

would you continue to wait, if my only wish is to run away?

would you wait until i change my mind? 


	27. how's the weather there?

looking outside

whistling leaves 

that break sunlight

breaking past burdensome thoughts

can the sun set already?

I wait decades.

“how’s the weather there?”

stars imprint themselves

feet, burn through the grass

thoughts phasing out

before the moon even rises

i miss the cold wind.

looking outside

what even is a day?

it only passes by

falling into a timely walk

“how’s the night sky there?”

it always feels the same.

the sun sets at midnight

stars freckle the sky

above happy lips and below 

twinkling eyes.

gloomy days

are spent happier

in gloomy nights

the questions you ask

might be self-aware

but time doesn’t pass

like it does in your head

and you aren’t even

looking outside.

  
  



	28. a friend to hold on to

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝

𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐤

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩, 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐝

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 

𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞

𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲

𝐢 𝐦𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞

𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐞𝐬

𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚

𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐬𝐬

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐲

𝐲𝐞𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩, 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐝

𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐬

𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐬

𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞

𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞

𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐯𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐤𝐲

𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧


	29. burn

ever hold onto those tears?

prickling, prickling

into the void

back into your eyes 

until it’s deep inside, pounding at your forehead

threatening to burn through

ever hold onto that lump in your throat?

swallowing, swallowing 

into the abyss

further into your body

until it’s deep inside, bubbling in your stomach

making you wish you could throw up

ever hold onto your laughter?

giggling, snickering

into your veins

outwards and into every cell

until it’s deep inside, tickling at your feet

boiling to burst out 

ever hold onto what keeps you going?

do it. 

hold onto it

it’s okay to feel this way.

hold on.


	30. tell me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is a poem turned Future song... she's still growing

[verse 1]

look up to the ceiling,

wishing I could breakthrough.

i woke up and stared

at those deep-set eyes in the mirror again

ah, I don’t even know who you are anymore

[verse 2]

why do you always smile?

why are you in vain?

why do you feel the need to hide,

when all it does is bring pain?

[pre-chorus ]

tell me can you think

of times when you weren’t burdened 

with the trifle things you cannot escape

tell me can you think

of a single day where the sun didn’t set;

where you loved, loved for what you were before

[chorus]

tell me the truth

did you feel hurt?

tell me why you knit lies together

for all the stars to see

tell me, tell me

tell me when you started to forget me.

[verse 3]

what’s the point of a beating heart

if it only ever beats in vain?

why do you feel the need to hide,

when all it does is bring pain?

[bridge]

those deep-set eyes, i remember like yesterday 

i call out for the one i knew,

but you don’t hear your own name

[chorus]

tell me the truth

did you feel hurt?

tell me why you knit lies together

for all the stars to see

tell me, tell me

tell me when you started to forget me


	31. see

“what the fuck is wrong with you”

i don't know, why don't you tell me?

this ferris wheel of “freedom”

oh, i know you’ll never yourself down

even a full set of lungs strain against your tense air

this sunset was once worth watching 

worth running, even dying for

until the warm wind spun its lies, 

turned this to a dull, diseased, pale yellow

my mind twists in its own sickness

in its chemical kind of aching 

we were born of the same skin

same sweat, same blood, same bones,

the same heart that whittles in its battle against time

yet you ask these questions, you question my honesty 

i once ran for this, ran out of breath 

so i could see those colours, that sunset. one last time 

all i have left tonight are bruises 

in red and purple, and sick, sick yellow. 

you’ve finally painted me a pretty sky

come on now don’t you want to see?

  
  
  



	32. my little room

lights off

and i reach out with those little arms once again

too far off 

the cold wind finally learns to say my name

it knows i want,

to be amongst those fluorescent stars, 

far above our mere 3rd floor ceiling and a joyful cartoon mars

just be

with thumb fights and giggles under the covers until we’re shushed

to see 

sleep long tucked away when silent tears grace their cheeks

glow in the dark,

like those fireflies against the darkness in the hot summer night

“get off the mosquito net and get out of my sight!”

i remember 

when we collected stickers and drawings to put on our bedroom door

until december 

the seven years in our stuffy room were painted over in plain white

and suddenly i 

didn’t think much of it, it never really hit me, not at all

the city behind me, and the pale sky above, i waited for a new star to call

i wanted

my own space, an escape, for the longest time

i needed

to see those lights again, to hold them in the hollow of my palms

and i will 

still stay, even after i grow too big for my little cartoon mars, 

my little houses and my little plastic stars

even with 

all this moving and packing

and these 

changing feelings, unfamiliar people and frantic city lights

i guess 

nothing will ever change me, really

all i have to do is reach up with my arms and see

i know those stars will still wait for me


End file.
